A while back I remember telling my husband, "God couldn't possibly love me" (I'm a lil' ashamed to even share this). I was finding out some news and I was hoping for a different ending! What I was hoping for didn't happen at all! Instead what I feared most was unfolding before my eyes. Why would God be allowing this to happen to me? I was colliding into my greatest fears head on! Doesn't He know that this is too much for me?
This was/is a trick of the enemy! Satan tries his best to get us to believe that God doesn't love us. It is at that point of our lack of belief that we hit rock bottom the fastest! And I did, there were days that I couldn't hear myself think or couldn't even gather my thoughts for prayer! I was sliding down a a slope of depression fast and life was the absolute worse for me! I was plummeting! I can remember one day I was screaming at the top of my lungs pleading with God to take me up out of here like He had did Enoch (a Beam me up Scotty situation). During all of my screaming the most gentlest voice I have ever heard said "Remain faithful"! I was little confused at first but after a while I dried my tears and I knew it was not me but God!
That was almost 2 years ago! I am still here, which means I have survived the storm! Today I repent of ever opening my mouth to say or for even thinking that God didn't love me! I am so grateful today because I am so much better now than I was before I went into the storm. I am for certain that God loves me! He loves me so much that He won't leave me the same! Today, I believe all things are possible! He has shown me that He can do anything! I would have never got to this point with out my storm!
He doesn't do these things because He doesn't love us, but because He does. He loves us too much to leave us carnal! While many days last year I thought I was dying, in some sense I was. I was dying to my flesh! I was learning to trust God's will for my life and to walk by the Holy Spirit. It is only when we allow God to stretch out in us that the Fruit of the Spirit begins to grow and mature! Joy, and Peace can and will take root in the midst of a storm. So don't give up! I promise you God loves you so very much! I was once told that God saves his hardest battles for His strongest Soldiers! Believe that if you are in it, then you have what it takes to get through it. God will not put more on you than you can bear. I have come to learn that test and trials come to pull up what is laying dormant in us that God want dominant in us! You will be a better person when this is all over.
Be encouraged, God loves you so much that He has chosen to make you better, to improve you, refine you and make you shine like pure gold. While more than likely what you are going through didn't come from God; He doesn't miss an opportunity to use pain for His Glory! This will work out for your good! Don't give up, stay the course!
Hang in there!